April 3rd 2008 10:06 pm
On Meeting People and Making Friends
First, for his Reader Request Week, Scalzi says smart thing about meeting famous people, after which Wil Wheaton said What Scalzi Said, and then I saw a link to Cherie Priest saying some folks honestly believe that they are best-friends-and-practically-family with people they met just now, purely because they’ve been reading that person’s blog and/or books.
Since I have a near zero probability of achieving even a nominal level of fame, the advice mostly reinforces the belief that people I admire are people, and the fact that I admire them has more to do with me than them. To unpack that a bit, while the things they’ve done (written, performed, said, etc) are what makes me admire them, that relationship is entirely uni-directional. I admire them. They don’t know me, but there’s at least a vague possibility that they could, assuming that I treat them like people when/if I meet them.
What Cherie Priest mentions, though, is something I find annoying in my own life. I realize that I’m pretty far away from a normal level of openness (I’m a very private person), but I have no idea what makes anyone imagine that asking about plans for FutureKids or marriage or even if I’m dating anyone are legitimate topics of conversation when they’ve just met me. Aren’t there more interesting questions? Questions More relevant? Less invasive? More promoting of a general sense of workplace camaraderie?
It’s the last part that really confuses me. At a couple different jobs I’ve had coworkers ask, within minutes of meeting, questions that I consider to be mightily personal and mightily none of their immediate business. Questions about books, music, movies, and educational status are all starters of potentially good conversations. Odds are decent that with continued co-employment the other, more personal stuff will come out eventually if you’re just a bit patient. And really, if you’re a new person, don’t you have better things to do than start grilling your new coworkers about their non-work lives? Wouldn’t learning your freaking job be a bit more on the line?
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